Is This What Menopause Is Like? And Other Thoughts I’ve Had As A Post Grad- An Open Letter To Family and Friends

Dear Family and Friends:

I’ve spent the last three months turning in over 200 job applications. Holy moly!!!! Is it the current state of our job market? Or my inability to stand out in a crowd of over 100 applicants per job/career opening? Maybe it’s my lack of experience? Am I applying for the wrong jobs? Or most recently, does my personality even fit the job? Where exactly do you obtain this, “experience,” when all openings require said, “experience? I really have no idea.

I keep getting told/continuously remind myself that one day, my career will arrive and I will understand exactly why none of these other options seemed to work. But then again, I get told  that about every aspect of my life. Whether it’s boys, careers, what tattoo I should/shouldn’t get, a lot of the same rules apply:

The right career/man/idea will happen. Patience matters.

All the other careers/men/ideas you really liked/wanted to work weren’t worth your time. But kind of might have been. Did you have fun?

Your career/he/it should make you feel worthy of the time you’ll be investing. You should feel respected and valued by the company/him/it too.

Distance shouldn’t matter, if it’s something you really want to invest your time in. 

I mean, there’s a plethora of advice I’ve been given but it all pretty much boils down to these four. Good advice? Absolutely. Will I listen? Maybe.

Besides those words of wisdom to my fellow new grads and gratitude to the ones that offered the advice, I wanted to address the crazy behavior I’ve been having lately. I thought I might be going through some weird depression, or health problem the other day so, instead of turning to drugs, I turned to WebMD. I clicked my symptoms, went through the regular procedure and to my surprise got, “Menopause,” as a top result. Menopause?! I’ve barely made it to my child bearing age! Omg when I actually do approach, “the change,” is it going to be a million times worse?!? (Everyone beware!) I then realized that this insane drive to do well, have a career, travel, be happy, have friends blah blah was turning me into this really crazy monster. I’m happy, don’t get me wrong, but it’s triggered this high stress I was never prepared to deal with in my post grad life. A stress even higher and more intense then that which you experience during finals. And believe me, it’s gone haywire during finals for me, but that’s to be saved for another blog.

Getting back on topic, the smallest things upset me nowadays and I know a lot of you have noticed. For example, I went out to dinner the other night and the server presented me with what seemed like, 68734905724298365 options for my meal. I literally almost broke down and cried. Thankfully, I didn’t break down and cry. I just said, “Ok,” leaving the waiter absolutely confused. He rolled with it and gave me whatever, with the help of my family.

But let’s get to the point I want to make here. THANK YOU FOR BEING MY SUPPORTIVE AND PATIENT FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I know you all hate it when I have my minor meltdowns, hissy fits, “Get this done now!” times followed by my, “omg! You’re the best!, moments but I’m beginning to understand myself and what I really want in life( I mean does anyone ever figure that out?). Don’t worry, i’ll be back to me soon, if that’s still who I actually am? Again, so many things I was never, and may never be, ready for. The post grad life has seriously brought out this volatile mix of emotions that literally drive me nutzo.

I think this all began when a friend of mine sincerely asked me how post grad life was, noting that it could be hard to get used to (Well shit! I wish someone had told me that sooner!). I fibbed, a little, and said it was great, obviously because it sometimes is, but the point was that no one had asked me that yet. From that point, I began to really question myself and go into that blah blah inner journey, soul searching phase, is finding a career now really the best option? What should I do now? So many questions. (Again, so much gratitude goes to that friend.)

So here I am, ranting about my post grad life. I’ll probably look back on this and think, “Wow! I thought I really knew then…” but I thought you  all might want to understand me now. And understand that not being in school for the first time in almost 20 years has really taken its hold on me. It’s a seemingly endless journey with no absolute plans. It seems like it sucks one day, but it is the best the next. And that all effects my mood greatly.

I’m starting to understand that a lot of us have no idea what we’re doing. That I’m not the only one. And this pressure to do well is hard for us. The job market is completely saturated. As millennials, we grow up in a time where there is not enough jobs available to us. Where we are competing against men and women who have been in our chosen fields for far many more years than us, but yet still do not have the experience to have a stable career.

But let’s not get too deep into it. If you want to talk about it, I would be happy to talk more with you, in a more private setting. (Wow. I think this post might win, “Most feelings shared,” as you all understand I’m very private.) The main point here: New grads beware! And thank you friends and family for being so supportive and understanding. You’re the best!

AND most of all, thank you for reading my rant.

To new careers, challenges, and fun! Here we go to Arizona, maybe Texas, back to California, and all over the Pacific Northwest (And perhaps, some parts of middle America)! Let’s adventure!

Now, here’s an obligatory picture, with my favorite flowers, on my graduation day for the ones that love to breeze through post and look only at the pictures. It’s a good one, right?

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